I grew up feeling insecure, confused and like I never fit in. Church didn’t answer my questions that I couldn’t even seem to voice, nor did anything else in my life break that insecurity. I don’t know why much of it was. I had a loving family, a good home, but there was always something ever-present, that was always with me, influencing everything I did. And now, after all these years, I know it was the spirit of fear. There were periods in my life where I was afraid of the dark, afraid of dying, afraid to leave home, afraid to stay there, afraid somebody would look at me… There was no peace. And I didn’t know what was wrong as I had nothing that I had ever experienced to compare it with. I did not exactly understand how God was relevant to my life.
I did grow up going to church every Sunday and usually Wednesday nights. But I still felt out of place. I know now that an unloving spirit was affecting my life, making it hard for me to love people and very hard for me to accept love from others.
And finally a few weeks ago during CanaryCare’s seminar in Houston, TX which sponsored Henry Wright of Be in Health™ in Georgia, I learned about these things and why I had had all kinds of emotional upsets in my life. God had healed me suddenly of MCS/EI a year ago. At first I strongly smelled the chemical odors but did not react to them as I previously had. After a couple of months I no longer smelled many of them. And it took quite awhile to realize that I no longer had to do things the way I had done them for 6 years. I had CHOICES! I could even eat nearly everything. It’s been quite an adventure to become reacquainted with food! And a growing experience!
As I prepared my generational chart in order to better understand myself and my problems, I could see lots of fear and anger coming down through my generations. There were generational curses—sins coming before allegiance to God in the lives of my ancestors (Exodus 20:5)—placed on my life that I was not even aware of. When I looked at myself and the things that were not me, the many things I was dealing with pointed to fear and anger, which go hand-in-hand. I was loaded. When I confessed the sins of my ancestors (Nehemiah 9:2) and repented of their sin (and my own) of giving that spirit of fear a place in my life, at the request of a special pastor God broke the power of that spirit over me and for the first time in my life I experienced the peace of God (Philippians 4:7). I realized that the many serious problems I was trying to deal with on my own all stemmed from the spirit of fear. Only God could help me with that and I had not even known to ask Him.
At the Houston Seminar this year I learned that all disease with spiritual roots (as in MCS/EI) begins with a breakdown in relationships—first with God, then with self, then with man. I didn’t have a relationship with God, certainly didn’t even like myself, and definitely had a hard time getting along with other people. The way to healing is restoring the same situations in the same order—first, build a relationship with God; next, love yourself as God does; then love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:36-39).
My life is changed now. God has called me to Him and given me a sense of belonging. I am growing more and more to understand who I am in Christ and separating out what is not me from how God sees me. And I’m growing to love others as they have suffered like trials as I have. I am a new creation! (II Corinthians 5:17)
D.K., Clinton, LA USA